Dear diary <3
I had this moment today on the Impaulsive podcast where I was over thinking when I was talking and I totally went on a day dream and really spaced out. I kinda fell back into the conversation and had like a mini-heart attack.
I just remembered looking down at my socks and had this weird flashback to when I was in elementary school and some boy just pulled one of my socks off and threw it on the roof? Do you ever do that and just totally disconnect from conversation? lmao
It’s coming to the end of my night here, it’s 2am and damn it’s been so cold recently I’m covered in blankets on my sofa downstairs and barely want to move. Things have been crazy here, I miss the days of laying in bed, reading and staring out the window watching the leaves on the tree’s blow in the wind. Showing more of my personality and talking on Podcasts and to the internet has been really surreal. I remember when I used to watch some of these podcasts in my room in the city. I kinda miss that small room with all my stuff packed in, there was this warm orange light outside from the street lamp. When i laid my head back I remember I could see this apartment block in the distance and all the lights from the windows, there was one person in there who had multicoloured lights. Sometimes it would be red, sometimes blue, sometimes purple. I remember thinking that It used to be a sign, that the color was the mood that night was going to be. I used to pick music and watch movies based upon the color. It sounds really strange, I wonder what color it is right now.. ✨
I was thinking, thank you for being here with me. Reading some of your comments makes my heart feel happy, like that warm kind of happy that you get when you’ve worked a long hard day and you lay in your duvet watching your favourite film, or reading your favourite book. I’m happy.. happy, nervous, excited and sleepy. I think something I’ve learnt is sometimes it’s so nice to just close the world. I think of my bed and my room at night like the whole world doesn’t exist, like I’m just in a little warm capsule with a big storm outside. Safe and cozy. I think tonight you’ve made me smile, I hope I can make you smile too. I luv u <3